Attempted Deal: Will Sidney Save Me From Himself?

Sidney, as much as you've already broke my heart, it really would break harder if you seriously had some kind of gay relationship with my past heart doctor or Jon Stewart....Sidney most likely does not want to save me from highly unavoidable suicide mission. I know I've felt your blow Sidney with your inequality ~tears~ and as much as I have an issue with it on both ends, I understand that deals lead to some equality. I know you have more power over the equality issue, but it is hard for me to treat you to some equality too. The Deal. Deal for me, deal for you. The deal for me has to happen first. You will need to hire some military officer or licensed agent to locate people and keep us escorted. There are people I already know little about Sidney, while I believe you have some knives and threats against me with other people I have yet to know about. We will be walking past some specific people and there may be a short period of just standing. You will have a dog collar and be on a dog leash in real person and in real life. It will be a shame to meet me in person for the first time in this situation, but because of your dumb fuckup, the deal must happen before anything else can happen. We will be walking in front of Kate Hudson, Kim Kardashian, your real life girlfriend, my sister Katie, Erin, Bree Ann, Stacy, Justin and Jim, Denny, Wayne, Shawn D'A and whatever random public person we come across. I most likely will not be speaking and remaining an untouchable. I might have whatever random talk, but it is the scene that matters. Although I am making the plan and demand, the choice of the deal will be yours and written on your face. You will not be allowed to laugh for yourself with how mad I am against you. You will be loyal and you will also have a sincere degradation written on your face. You will be loyal to me against any action they could have against me. When coming across Justin and Jim, I was going to go the route of you having the most degradation written all over you but I would rather you sic them and come up with a violent English bark and mace them for being the violent and enslaving stalkers and harassers they are against me. You can sic Denny too in the same similar manner. When we come across your real life girlfriend you can tell me that I can have all the Twinkies I want (I would prefer gift certificates to the cheesecake factory and the best Italian restaurants in town). When we come across my sister, it will be short and simple: this is my boyfriend at the time Sidney Crosby, the great hockey player and he is willingly beneath me and is my dog. When we come across Bree Ann, you will be subjected to more stupid treatment and I will probably slap you for never getting anything or having common sense. When we come across Stacy, I will be the most violent with you. I will definitely spit on you. It will take a lot for me to not want to drop kick you and just keep wailing on you. I will probably spit on you when we come across Wayne and Kate Hudson too. I'll include Kim in there because I know she thinks or wants to be my master and have me owned in some way. What serious demands I have of you Sidney. What on earth of a question was it of me to ask if you are going to save me from yourself after I degrade you and hate on and fuck your chauvinism with full steam? This is where the deal comes in for you Sidney and the same thing I will do in turn. While I know I'm guilty of a rat, I'm not the same predator as you and I most likely won't have the higher odds in the popularity contest. I keep walking forward anyway. I will wear the dog collar and leash in front of Jay Beagle, in front of the actual Jay I slept with, in front of Mike Sullivan AND ONLY IN FRONT ON MIKE SULLIVAN FOR ONE PURPOSE. You can do it to whatever other arbitraged man there is. If there are cops or other people thrown in there that you have felt an enslaving threat from because of me, you can walk me in front of them too. You can even pet me. You CANNOT drop kick me. Yes it is ok for me to do that to you in front of Stacy but it is not ok for you in any instance. ................ After this deal has been made, I will give you your respect back. I will not threaten your life with how much of a dumb savage rapist murderer as I have. Unless you make another false move, you won't feel my scream or stare like that again. I will let up on you in whatever ways I can and be mostly over everything but sad to know it can't be forgotten and you're not even the first one. You're the first I can come up with some reconciliation and deal with. If you still wanted me in anyway, I might want you.

SOS

It is my mother's life in danger. I do not understand why a place would have the resources to give me info but yet not be able to do anything about it.

Yes, my mother I would consider to be abusive. I don't take back anything I have said negatively about her. Same with my sister and parents.
HOWEVER
As angry as I get at their authoritarianism and being control freaks, I do not want them to die.
I have wanted us to be separated.
Even though I have had to endure suffering and torment because of them, I still would not wish them to die.

I FUCKING HATE THE NAZI'S WHO WANT TO KILL THEM JUST BECAUSE THEY "DON'T HAVE THE PERFECT DNA." FUCK THE FUCKING NAZIS. FUCK THE KARMA GAMERS WHO MAY HAVE SOMEHOW BEEN EFFECTED WITH WHAT A FAMILY MEMBER COULD HAVE DONE.
DO I THINK MY FAMILY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE BY THE LAW LIKE ANY OTHER? NO. THEY SHOULD BE TREATED JUST AS CIVILLY AS ANY OTHER CITIZEN.
IT IS WRONG FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE.

MY MOTHER IS THE SPECIFIC ONE WHO IS IN DANGER. SHE NEEDS HELP. SHE HAS BEEN ABUSIVE BUT I DON'T CARE. I'M NOT MAD ENOUGH AT HER ARROGANCE AND HATE WHERE I THINK SHE SHOULD DIE. I'VE SAID HATEFUL THINGS TOO, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT HER TO LITERALLY DIE.

I WANT US ALL TO BE SEPARATE FROM EACH OTHER. OUR LIVES ARE ABNORMAL COMPARED TO OTHER FAMILIES LIVES.
WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER OR HAVE OUR LIVES COMMUNISTICALLY CONTROLLED WHERE WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BECAUSE SOME COMMIES ARE DOOMING OUR FINANCES AND FREEDOM.
SOME LEADERS AND PEOPLE WHO WORK AS REGULARS IN OUR MATRIX SHOULD HAVE A BETTER IDEA OF US BY NOW TO MAKE BETTER JUDGEMENT WHEN IT CONCERNS OUR INDIVIDUAL LIVES.

IT IS EITHER JOSH MYRON OR THE D ATRIS (ESPECIALLY BOB D ATRI WHO I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE IN PERSON) WHO WANT TO KILL MY MOM. THERE IS A NAZI OUT THERE WHO WANTS HER TO DIE.

I NEED HELP TO FIND SOMEONE TO PROTECT HER. TO ALSO KEEP ME INDEPENDENT OF HER. AND HOPEFULLY A WAY WHERE SHE CAN BE INDEPENDENT OF ME.

Going with gut

I'm no scientist, but I do believe in evil in the world.
I think it is possible that some diseases spawn off of some sort of mind testing sanity and torment.
Jon Stewart is the number 1 person I would target right now who is the biggest predator in trying to drive me insane to "Parkinson's" disease. I think it is Jon who is responsible for being the tormentor. I get in his face as usual. He can dish it out but he isn't the type who can take it back.
Anyway, I request that people of authority keep an eye on him and do not let him get away with predatory acts just because he has money and is a celebrity.

I hate to beat myself up over stupid things, but I think my main boss was trying to give me a little break, and I hate how I responded to him. He said: "Do you want to start on the phones tomorrow?" I should have just said "yes," to dive into it, but it has been since 2007 since I worked there, and I do not have that long of a memory recall in working there for only a couple of months.
I hate that I talked stupidly of myself, but what I should have said: "My memory is not perfect." Its not that I'm dumb, but even in flaws I'm really not unconfident. I'm fine.
I have noticed others and think that some people take it to the extreme when it concerns flaws and mishaps.
The job is a lot of info to take in at once. It is three weeks worth of training.

I do feel that people are literally and seriously trying to go for my mind; mentality; maybe even emotions or psychologically to attack and distress me. Again, it isn't unusual, but I hate that people can get away with their sadistic cheats.

I had some opportunity to express where I stand a little, but as I ignore other people in their sadism, I think they ignore me in truthful expression.
I see very obvious supremacy from a couple of people through some statements they make.
Even though I won't be dominated by them or there stupid judgemental obsessions, I promote individuality, not supremacy.
I know people do read into everything. In a slight of fairness, people are at least not harassing me with "being delusional," but at the same time, I feel hawkeyed by pretty much everyone knitpicking over everything. They read into so many things that are not meant to be read into, and I hate feeling how difficult it is to have any say when some people make their assumptions. I just kind of sit there hoping they won't get big-headed over their opinions and assumptions, or that I won't be cheated just because someone has an opinion or assumption.
It is just the obsessions and torment of some people that I think people of authority need to work harder at resolving and concluding.

Dear Knight

Thank you for the rescue!
I think I get the gist of what you say, but some dots, I'm not quite sure how to connect.
It does sound like it is a rescue in my favor. I can't see all of the details, but in my personal experience, I could see that people could probably face some troubles in their own world through the system that is their "hurricane."


I do thank you, and now that I see myself as the rescuee, I'm sure I'm at your somehow timed wait for gratitude.
How can I be honest and not a tease at the same time?
And I am once again confused at the real named identity. Because I'm looking out for my safety, I can't say the name.

I don't want to get in trouble. I do not want to be an eventual victim of someone else's storm if I were to get involved with you.

God, I'm sure I've developed quite a reputation in New York. I know I have a lot of cats and can be referred to as one of the cat ladies, but I really did like the "Watchmen" movie.
I see myself as Rorshrack sometimes even though I was meant to be seen as "Lori."
It is how I sometimes feel in New York with all of the stockholming and blackmailing. It is my character of reversal when I am the "prisoner."
Anyway, his character is somewhat of an explanation of my wildness with some NY interactions.
I have the potential to be very wild and sexual, but I'm not really as wild as I can appear to be.

As angry as I sometimes get with the media and feeling my life is being handed away, I still don't always think it is competent. Some people say it is their own perceived story and/or artwork, but it still feels like I'm being given away regardless of my level of competence by numbers of people I can't see. It can be a positive thing sometimes, but really, I don't like the fame overall. I hate to cheesily compare myself to the story of "Les Miserables," where my life continuously gets worse and I feel continuously taken advantage of, but I'm really upset right now at my financial situation, work situations, and I'm still adapting to a new kind of social life that will never be the same again.

My conclusion is that how can I be honest and say no without really saying no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

Strategy Strategy Strategy

I think people are forgetful.
It is hard to meet a goal sometimes when I know some of the things that I know.
It is the expectations of others that hinder me. And to pre-annoyingly shoot down any arrogance from any crowd that thinks I have a low self-esteem, the crowd can forget it.
People are unreasonable and corrupt period.
I am staying calm right now when I see a Russian signal that they may possibly be conspiring their own strategy of motivation against me. They want me to be harassed by Josh and Katie to motivate me to be more. I am trying to break the system down and think there may be a possibility of Josh Albert that may be Josh Myrons connection. The thought disgusts me that I went so far away to Oklahoma and got so far in debt to learn my family seems to have more confirmedly stalked me this whole time. What a waste. What more I could have made of myself. It disgusts me so much that they are cheatingly that involved in my life.
In all honesty, it would drive me more to suicide and purposeful laziness and gluttony if they were my only "motivational opportunity" to beat. I don't want to have to "beat anyone", I just want to be myself. You think because of how I acted long ago that I think Josh is too good for me. You think if a connection of his, or hisself were to seduce me to this day, that would count as me losing to him if I slept with him. No, I wouldn't sleep with him. And I already know how people cheat, rig, and disguise other connections to be Josh. There is your fallacy: sex determines who the winner and loser is.
Seriously, if you want to motivate me, give me a conditional contract that is within reason and worth. A fair contract that is concerning a well-paying job, not a man. I want a contract or some sort of deal that says, if you meet these reasonable requirements, we'll give you a good salary. And along with having a job, having fair conditions.
I don't even want any kind of negative motivation. Seriously, if people are going to go that far to come up with something to motivate me, it is about time someone gave me something positive and reasonable to be motivated for.
I'm not sure if either Russian leader is making a pass at me or if NY Moscow is. I'm not sure if it is directed at me that they already like me for who I am and to be an asshole back with what I said to Donald Trump: "That they have a positive vision for me and think I can be better with their chosen improvements for me."
My heart isn't won. They could be representing anyone. They could be even representing a pig that the relationship has already burned to the ashes with. I've already thought of them as being piggish. Its the fact that I hardly know them. It still feels objectifying/subjectifying. I don't feel like a loved woman.