Dear Knight

Thank you for the rescue!
I think I get the gist of what you say, but some dots, I'm not quite sure how to connect.
It does sound like it is a rescue in my favor. I can't see all of the details, but in my personal experience, I could see that people could probably face some troubles in their own world through the system that is their "hurricane."


I do thank you, and now that I see myself as the rescuee, I'm sure I'm at your somehow timed wait for gratitude.
How can I be honest and not a tease at the same time?
And I am once again confused at the real named identity. Because I'm looking out for my safety, I can't say the name.

I don't want to get in trouble. I do not want to be an eventual victim of someone else's storm if I were to get involved with you.

God, I'm sure I've developed quite a reputation in New York. I know I have a lot of cats and can be referred to as one of the cat ladies, but I really did like the "Watchmen" movie.
I see myself as Rorshrack sometimes even though I was meant to be seen as "Lori."
It is how I sometimes feel in New York with all of the stockholming and blackmailing. It is my character of reversal when I am the "prisoner."
Anyway, his character is somewhat of an explanation of my wildness with some NY interactions.
I have the potential to be very wild and sexual, but I'm not really as wild as I can appear to be.

As angry as I sometimes get with the media and feeling my life is being handed away, I still don't always think it is competent. Some people say it is their own perceived story and/or artwork, but it still feels like I'm being given away regardless of my level of competence by numbers of people I can't see. It can be a positive thing sometimes, but really, I don't like the fame overall. I hate to cheesily compare myself to the story of "Les Miserables," where my life continuously gets worse and I feel continuously taken advantage of, but I'm really upset right now at my financial situation, work situations, and I'm still adapting to a new kind of social life that will never be the same again.

My conclusion is that how can I be honest and say no without really saying no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

Strategy Strategy Strategy

I think people are forgetful.
It is hard to meet a goal sometimes when I know some of the things that I know.
It is the expectations of others that hinder me. And to pre-annoyingly shoot down any arrogance from any crowd that thinks I have a low self-esteem, the crowd can forget it.
People are unreasonable and corrupt period.
I am staying calm right now when I see a Russian signal that they may possibly be conspiring their own strategy of motivation against me. They want me to be harassed by Josh and Katie to motivate me to be more. I am trying to break the system down and think there may be a possibility of Josh Albert that may be Josh Myrons connection. The thought disgusts me that I went so far away to Oklahoma and got so far in debt to learn my family seems to have more confirmedly stalked me this whole time. What a waste. What more I could have made of myself. It disgusts me so much that they are cheatingly that involved in my life.
In all honesty, it would drive me more to suicide and purposeful laziness and gluttony if they were my only "motivational opportunity" to beat. I don't want to have to "beat anyone", I just want to be myself. You think because of how I acted long ago that I think Josh is too good for me. You think if a connection of his, or hisself were to seduce me to this day, that would count as me losing to him if I slept with him. No, I wouldn't sleep with him. And I already know how people cheat, rig, and disguise other connections to be Josh. There is your fallacy: sex determines who the winner and loser is.
Seriously, if you want to motivate me, give me a conditional contract that is within reason and worth. A fair contract that is concerning a well-paying job, not a man. I want a contract or some sort of deal that says, if you meet these reasonable requirements, we'll give you a good salary. And along with having a job, having fair conditions.
I don't even want any kind of negative motivation. Seriously, if people are going to go that far to come up with something to motivate me, it is about time someone gave me something positive and reasonable to be motivated for.
I'm not sure if either Russian leader is making a pass at me or if NY Moscow is. I'm not sure if it is directed at me that they already like me for who I am and to be an asshole back with what I said to Donald Trump: "That they have a positive vision for me and think I can be better with their chosen improvements for me."
My heart isn't won. They could be representing anyone. They could be even representing a pig that the relationship has already burned to the ashes with. I've already thought of them as being piggish. Its the fact that I hardly know them. It still feels objectifying/subjectifying. I don't feel like a loved woman.